James, Lily, Sirius
PG, 600 words
Summary: Coming up with names proves more challenging than previously imagined.
Notes: Inspired by JKR's recent prequel. Written for trowicia - happy birthday, darling! ♥
"What about Alfred?" James suggested.
Lily made a face.
"What? What's wrong with Alfred? I have an uncle Alfred, you know."
"Indeed I do know, and you really want to name a son after said uncle?" Lily asked her indignant-looking husband.
James frowned at that.
"I remember Alfred," Sirius said wistfully, "he let me smoke cigars one time your parents took you out to buy dress robes and I was clattering around the house by myself. He kept talking about my classical features and how I would make a magnificent model for his next sculpture."
James and Lily exchanged a glance, and then Sirius' face fell. "In retrospect, that was probably a little peculiar, wasn't it?"
"Well. . ." Lily said in an attempt at diplomacy, "I'm sure he meant well."
Sirius sighed. "Alas, another childhood innocence shattered."
Lily patted his arm.
"Anyway, racing swiftly on," James said quickly. "Names! Baby names! A name to do proud to our imminent offspring. So, if Alfred's a no-go, what about your family? If it's a girl we could call her after your Aunt Verity."
Lily laughed. "Last time Verity met you she whacked you with an umbrella!"
"Yeah, well, I like that in a woman," replied James, grinning.
"I'm vetoing all family names right now," Lily told him. "Sirius, how are we doing?"
Sirius looked down at the list he'd been keeping. "So far. . . none, actually."
"None?" Lily groaned. "We are hopeless. We are terrible, terrible parents already."
James sat up. "You know, there's one more I've got up my sleeve." He turned to Sirius, whose eyes widened.
"What is it?" Lily asked in trepidation.
"Elvendork," James announced impressively.
There was suppressed laughter emanating from Sirius' corner.
"Elvendork! A noble wizarding name, handed down through generations, and ideally suited to our son or daughter."
"Elvendork," Lily repeated faintly.
In his chair, Sirius looked about to keel over from silent laughter, and after a moment's pause James began to cackle.
"Elvendork! It's unisex!" crowed Sirius before dissolving into what were unmistakeably giggles.
Lily looked between them in bewilderment. "What in the name of all things is going on?"
James coughed and took a steadying breath. "Oh, it's a long story. Involving a encounter with deadly assassins, a daring escape, and, ah, Muggle policemen."
"Trust me, Evans," said Sirius, "this is one of those occasions where you really don't want to know." He then resumed laughing fit to burst.
"You are both entirely addled," Lily informed them. "I should have you sectioned. Now, when you've finished cracking yourselves up over your own undoubted brilliance, could we please turn our attention back to the fact that currently we have no better ideas for this defenceless unborn child than to bring it into the world and call it 'sproglet'."
"You know. . ." said Sirius thoughtfully, "Harry's quite a nice name. For a boy, I mean."
Lily opened her mouth to begin a withering retort, then paused. "Actually. Harry is a nice name. Well done, Sirius, write that down, and you may remain on the child-naming committee. As for you," she added, glaring at James, "you are officially fired, now go make yourself useful and make tea or something."
James shuffled off obediently and Lily rolled her eyes. "Elvendork, honestly."
Sirius began to laugh again, and by the time James returned both of them both had collapsed into mirth.
"I really don't see what's so funny," James said, pouting. "My parents always said they'd nearly called me Elvendork."
Lily bit her lip and took a mug of tea from him. "Then we'll put it on the list," she told James gently, privately resolving never to let him have any say in naming so much as a pepper pot ever again.